There are no words in the English language to adequately describe my rage

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life
I said that yesterday to TM tallmatt, but I was wrong. The real test was today.

Everyone uses this damn thing to vent, and now's my turn. And since I so kindly entertain most of the time, you're going to read it and you're going to fucking like it.

Yesterday was fun. I slept in. I ate what was left of my junkfood for lunch. I farted around on the internet. I played with Heather ihrtjimmorrison, chatted on the phone. We went to bed late, giggling.

Today I woke up early to the sounds of Heather leaving and my own frantic Martha Stewart transformation. After all, Mom was coming to see the apartment for the first time, so obviously I needed to turn into her and fret about impressing her. Then I worked on my resume and realized that I'm utterly fucking screwed. No job, no prospects, no goals. Welcome to the land of the college drop out.

Of course, I had plenty of time to think about this since for once I was well and truly alone. It's much easier to dwell on the mistakes you've made when the door closes and you realize that this is it. You're by yourself, you're on your own and you're in a big fucking mess. Oppressive and telling silence is my new favorite cliche.

And then there's the $30 I don't have that I spent anyways on Challenge tickets in Chicago. I'm SO fucking glad that everyone ho'd me out when I'm already down. After all, it was only my last chance EVER to see something that's been very important to me for years. Or that could've contributed some actual nice memories to this time in my life. Way to kick an injured puppy, guys.

In my heart I know that everyone had a legitimate reason, and I'm trying to be mature and remember that. But it's really fucking hard when you refuse to give up hope and ask a friend to go, who says that it sounds like fun but they'll have to think about it since it's last minute. And that you should call them at 10pm. And then purposely turns off their phone and avoids you instead of just telling you they don't want to go.

I'd already spent $30 I didn't have and I hadn't eaten all day, but what the hell? Why not spend some more money, go to Btown and hang out and buy Harry Potter? Old friends and light reading are exactly what I need right now. Too bad some LJ asshole (jeremyjx) spoiled the entire fucking book for me.

This is what it's like to realize that you're so fucked up that a children's book is the thing that will finally break you.